You reached for the thing they always liked at the grocery store. Or it has been months, everyone else has gone back to normal, and you are still doing the math on how long you are allowed to feel like this.
There is no number. Nobody gets to hand you one, and the Bible does not either. Grief does not run on a schedule.
I. Grief Is Not a Failure of Faith
Some losses do not come with an explanation. If anyone told you everything happens for a reason, or tried to tidy your loss into a slogan, and it made you want to walk out, you are not a bad Christian. You are a person who lost someone. This article will not hand you a reason. Scripture gives you something better than a reason. It gives you company.
Look at John 11. Jesus hears that his friend Lazarus is dead. He knows what he is about to do. He is minutes from calling Lazarus out of the tomb. Then verse 35 says, “Jesus wept.”
He knew how the story ended, and he still stood at that grave and cried. If the one who knew the ending wept, your tears are not weak faith. They are what love looks like when the person is gone.
II. God Draws Near to the Brokenhearted
Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit.” Notice what it says and what it leaves out. It does not say the pain leaves quickly. It says he is near.
On a Tuesday, that changes one thing. You do not have to pull yourself together before you pray. You can show up wrecked. Psalm 88 never turns the corner at all, and someone decided it belonged in the Bible. You are allowed to pray without a happy ending.
III. Peace Is Not the Absence of the Pain
As Pastor Alan put it, “Peace is not the Absence of Problems; it is the Presence of a God-Governed Mind Set.” Hear that carefully, because it does not mean you stop hurting. It means the hurt does not get the last word over what you believe about God.
Pastor Alan also said, “You cannot always choose what happens to you, but you can choose how you think about it.” You did not choose this loss. But in the weeks after, you will face small choices. Do you tell yourself God left the room, or do you say the truth: this is the worst thing that has happened to me, and I am bringing it to him anyway? One of those choices keeps the door open.
Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians 4:13 that we do not sorrow as others who have no hope. He did not say we do not sorrow. He said we do not sorrow without hope. Both are in the same sentence.
IV. Remember What God Has Already Carried
Another line from Pastor Alan’s notes: “God’s Past Faithfulness is a Foundation for Today’s Faith.” When you cannot feel anything, look backward. Think of the nights he got you through before this one. That is not a way to skip the pain. It is something solid to stand on while the pain is still there.
In John 11:25, Jesus says, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live.”
V. Let People Sit With You
When Job lost everything, his friends sat with him in silence for seven days. You can read it in Job 2:13. That was the best thing they did. The trouble began when they started explaining.
Romans 12:15 says, “Weep with those who weep.” Not fix them. Not cheer them up. If you are standing near someone who is grieving, show up, say the name of the person they lost, and stay longer than feels comfortable. If you are the one grieving, let someone do that for you.
This Week
You do not have to solve this. Let yourself cry without apologizing. Say your person’s name out loud to someone who will not flinch. If you can pray, pray honestly, even if the whole prayer is that you are tired and you miss them. If you cannot, borrow Psalm 88 and let it say it for you.
Matthew 5:4 says, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” It does not say comforted by Friday. And Revelation 21:4 says God will wipe away every tear from their eyes. That is a promise about the end of the story. It is not an order to stop crying now.
If you are in White House, Tennessee, and you do not want to sit in this alone, Today’s Victory Church meets Sundays at 3pm, and there is Bible study on Thursdays at 6:30pm. You do not have to be okay when you walk in.
Scripture in this piece: John 11:33-35; Psalm 34:18; Romans 12:15